CHAPTER 14
MAUNDY THURSDAY

Maundy Thursday is the Thursday before Easter. The word Maundy comes from the Old French mande, in turn from the Latin mandātum, which means “mandate or command.” The events in the life of Jesus that correspond to Maundy Thursday are the institution of the Lord’s Supper and the washing of the disciples’ feet. Jesus speaks a new commandment, hence the connection to the word Maundy, after he washes the disciples’ feet. This story appears in John 13. The new commandment is to love one another.

How can we know how to love one another? Certainly, having a warm, happy feeling toward every person is not possible. There are people in this world whom we don’t especially like. There are people who have harmed us—it’s hard to have a warm feeling toward them. For the mentally ill, there may be people, even their own parents, who contributed to the development of their illness. Perhaps having a warm feeling toward such people is beyond human capacity, maybe not even appropriate.

Part of loving one another is treating one another well. We can be polite, even kind, toward people whether we like them or not.

What does it mean to treat a person suffering from mental illness well?

One thing we can do in our churches is acknowledge that mental illness is a kind of illness not unlike having cancer. When someone in our midst is struggling with cancer, we often provide them with meals, send them cards and call them and speak a kind word to them. The same considerations are appropriate for a person struggling with mental illness. Such a person needs the same kind of nurturing care.

Following Jesus’ command to love one another, what is it that we should not do to those suffering mental illness? I would suggest that it is not helpful to speak to them in a way that minimizes their suffering. Let’s not say, “You just need to buy a new dress. That will cheer you up.” Let’s not say, “Put a big smile on your face. That’s what makes me feel better.”

These comments, actually, might be made with the intention of kindness. A genuine desire to fix the problem for the sufferer could be behind these comments. Nevertheless, they make it seem like mental illness is a small problem, easily solved. This can feel very invalidating to the person receiving the comment.

Validating comments could be, “That sounds very painful.” “I wish I could fix it for you. I really have a strong impulse to try to think of some magic answer for you.” “I feel sad about your suffering; is there anything I can do for you?” Any of these comments has a chance of achieving a connection with a person suffering from mental illness without seeming to dismiss their pain.

Validation goes a long way toward making the mentally ill feel welcome and loved.

The following hymn is suitable for Maundy Thursday. It acknowledges that we want to be loving towards one another and mentions validation.

Hymn: How Do We Love One Another?

Sung to the tune known as LOBE DEN HERREN which is listed, traditionally, as having the meter 14.14.4.7.8.
This is the tune you will know from the hymn that has as its first line,
              Praise to the Lord, the Almighty, the King of creation.

How Do We Love One Another?

How do we love one another as Jesus commanded?
How do we welcome with kindness extended, expanded?
God, help us see
What loving welcome can be,
Love that is truthful and candid.

Teach us to love one another with genuine caring.
Help us show love to those who are sad and despairing.
We want to say
Words validating so they
Feel the compassion we’re sharing.

Keep us from speaking those words that bring invalidation.
Simple solutions can feel a tremendous negation.
Help us feel-with
And our compassion admit.
Teach us to speak validation.

O God, we want to love all of the people around us.
We have the will to be kind and let goodness surround us.
Help us to do
These things we wish to be true.
Guide us to act with profound love.

Maundy Thursday
Questions for Discussion

1.    Did the description of invalidation (comments that dismiss a person’s feelings) bring up in you any memories of invalidation that has happened to you? Or are you emotionally robust, so that invalidating comments don’t bother you?

2.    Are you uncomfortable when someone shares their deep pain with you? Do you tend more toward wanting a lighter conversation? Or do you welcome intense discussions?

3.    How is a person with mental illness like or unlike a person with cancer? Which of our usual kindnesses toward a person suffering from cancer can translate directly into kindnesses toward a person suffering from mental illness? And which cannot?

4.    What are the advantages of being able to love someone who has hurt you? What are the dangers of a forced or fake loving attitude toward someone who has hurt you?

5.    How does the commandment to love one another shape your life?